as a girl who could so easily be boxed into one of those types that, whenever there’s dancing, always tries to make the guy dance even though he doesn’t want to, and insists that “of course you’ll enjoy it, you just don’t know it yet / just have to try it,” i would like to point out that urging a guy to dance is motivated by something a lot less selfish than a personal desire to dance, and insisting over a guy’s objections is not out of a shallow or malicious refusal to accept that he doesn’t enjoy it. it’s really not that evil and i’m done with guys who can’t get down complaining about us trying to do so with them.

if girls just straight up want to dance, period, end of story, we can dance anytime. where there’s music, floor space, and other people (and even this is optional), there is no lack of opportunity to dance. if we want to dance with any male body, there is usually no lack of willing partners. and if for some reason there is such a lack, a simple desire to have a male dance partner isn’t usually so much that we’ll go into coercion mode to get you to dance.

asking a specific guy to dance has to do with the guy that’s being asked. we want to dance with YOU. we want to feel the music with YOU. we want to feel how YOU feel the music. we want our bodies to move around with YOURS.

and when that is the case, it makes no difference whether you know how to dance or if you look good doing it. i don’t even know if i can emphasize that enough. knowing how to dance or knowing the ‘right moves’ is completely irrelevant. you’re not going to look stupid because that path has already been paved for you – people have seen “bad” (“unconventional”) dancers. it’s nothing new or interesting. nobody (the girl, your friends, strangers, the bartender) is looking for a performance. even if your friends are like “haha. nice robot, dude” – it’s not like they’re no longer your friends, (seriously), and you get props for DOING it instead of acting like this is the one thing that would destroy your dignity.

the point is that you’re pulling stupid moves together and laughing together, you’re trying new things together, you’re going out on a limb together, you’re LETTING GO together. by dancing together, you’re saying, screw what people think, we’re doing something for ourselves. maybe everybody’s looking, maybe nobody’s looking, maybe they’re only looking ‘cos they think you’re judging them, maybe nobody is so invested in strangers that they’re paying any attention.

nobody really knows how to dance. how about that. (except professional people on tv, and even then). there is no formula that everybody learns that only guys on dates don’t know. i’m *pretty sure* that everybody has been self-conscious about dancing at some point in their lives. and i’m pretty sure there’s nothing more comforting than being able to let go and enjoy yourself with somebody, because that’s the point – you’re comfortable with each other, so it’s ok.

so when you say no, and when you flat out refuse to dance with your girl, EVER… it means more than you just not wanting or liking to dance. it means you won’t even take a chance on some goofy momentary commonplace activity that she enjoys. it means you can’t or won’t give her 3-5 minutes. (i don’t know about most girls in this situation but i’d be satisfied with one song). it *essentially* means that if you’re out with her where there’s dancing, you’re going to block her from doing something because your image, or not looking stupid, or whatever you’re so afraid of, is more important - enough to you that you will take an entire activity off the list of things you’re willing to do with this person.

on the other hand, i can acknowledge that some guys actually, seriously dislike dancing, not just because they’re self-conscious or because they don’t like the music. i can acknowledge that there could be guys that are actually perfectly good dancers but would never choose to because they don’t have fun doing it. and, i would never advocate that a person is somehow obligated to suck it up and do something they hate.

but i just think, when a guy says he won’t dance, we keep pushing because we really wanna be absolutely SURE it’s ‘cos they really just hate it as an act in itself, not because they “tried it once and felt stupid.” because being shot down all the time just because they’re worried they’ll look silly doesn’t feel any good.

and then to go on and rag about how “girls are always trying to make me dance, and i tell them i don’t want to and they’re like yes you do!!” – a girl wants to spend time with you and share a (fun) sweaty physical activity with YOU.

IS THAT SO BAD??

“but i’ll slow dance with a hot girl” indeed. hmph. you should be so lucky.